Nevertheless, we resisted and persisted.

Today has been a mess. A historical mess.

But I won’t let it deter me from CELEBRATING the contributions of the Black women who did the heart work of making Georgia a more equitable place to vote, which makes our democracy start functioning more smoothly.

I won’t let white supremacy take ANOTHER piece of our joy! This is STILL THEIR DAY!

Stacey Abrams. LaTosha Brown. Nsé Ufot. Tamieka Atkins. Melanie Campbell. Helen Butler. Deborah Scott. Nikema Williams.

Just a few names of the Black women who have said that Black people are being intentionally left out of voting opportunities.

Who said that Black people were intentionally not being counted in the census.

Who said that Black people voter suppression is still happening in the 21st century.

Who said that gerrymandering is intentionally designed to take resources from Black people.

Who said that it would take every ounce of blood, sweat, and tears to overthrow the systemic, 400 years of entrenched supremacy in the Deep South.

We see you.
We thank you.
We believe you.
We congratulate you.

“I don’t feel like it” is a a complete sentence and an acceptable response.

As someone who is a recovering perfectionist, a night owl, with high functioning anxiety, I’m both hyper stimulated and generally tired, but I fight through it.

So when I do rest, I crash, and then I feel guilty about time wasted and it’s a mess.

It’s okay to delegate tasks. To schedule for later. To allow yourself to be tired ESPECIALLY in a PANNY (pandemic). Our nervous systems are on overdrive. We need to do better to listen to ‘tired.’ Just because we are trying to press forward, doesn’t mean your body has to sacrifice rest for capitalism. You are not a machine.

Rest is resistance. I found @thenapministry over a year ago and it changed my life. Grind culture is toxic - we know that now, but we still value our worth as it ties to productivity. I am not sponsored by them or affiliated with them, but they are doing the work of revolutionary rest, so check them out.

I HAVE NEVER IN MY LIFE YELLED AT A GIRL LIKE THIS! 🔊🔊🔊

ANTM lines aside, I am irate right now. SEETHING.

I’m in a group for yogis. Discussing @mynameisjessamyn’s beautiful Cosmo layout. Iconic. She’s giving me effortless, melanin, aspirational yogi. Love it.

A woman, a BLACK woman, proceeds to say that she is not healthy. Another said that she could lose some more weight if she did cardio 3 times a day (?), ate a healthier diet (??), and got better sleep (???).

My bullshit alarm went HAYWIRE 🚨 🚨🚨

I asked if she had her blood work? I ask did she know her sleep schedule? I asked how does she know she’s not healthy???

I also said that we are yogis. We should be practicing NON VIOLENCE. AHIMSA. Particularly towards each other. Particularly towards BLACK WOMEN.

Jessamyn is a world renowned yogi, I doubt she needs someone to stick up for her in my little corner of the internet. But there are fat yogis in your world who you should feel obligated to take up for. Anyone who is being harmed, but particularly our Black sisters, deserve protection. But when the violence comes from inside the house?!?!! I’m even more undone.

The work to dismantle a lot of isms sizeism, racism, sexism, carried through in 2021, clearly. The movement didn’t end with your black square in June. We have work to do! It’s all or of, or none of us. That’s it.

A Black woman can be having the best day of her life, and her body is still fodder for debate, ridicule, and criticism. I hate that.

I had the worst/best year of my life.

As a yogi, we recognize the yin and yang of the universe. Everything in the phenomenal world comprised of yin and yang. Yin represents inward first, yang is outward. You can’t escape it, as no energy is neutral.

The world blew up. As someone with anxiety, particularly a health anxiety, I had an exhausting year. Bouts of compulsive behaviors, to make sure that I wasn’t sick. My anxiety even affected my throat - it was so tense - that I was having trouble swallowing for weeks. Weeks. Panic attacks emerged like never before. Loved ones died. Zoom funerals were frequent. I know over 50 people in my circle who have had Covid. I couldn’t touch my boyfriend for 8 months. I was alone a lot. I had intrusive thoughts a lot. I was sick a lot. I was despondent a lot. It was a lot.

And in the same year, there was good. I became a yogi. I became an entrepreneur. I launched my brand. I have made 4 figures thus far (not a lot to some of the great influencers out here, but not bad for someone who started 5 weeks ago). I started a brand with my best friend. I have merchandise on different websites. I’m selling on Amazon. I’m an Amazon Influencer. I have speaking engagements lined up. I am finding my voice. I am cultivating new friendships. I am becoming a woman.

To the year that contained multitudes - I hope history does not repeat itself. I hate that joy coincides with pain. I hate there are loved ones frozen in time this year. I hate that our losses are so deep that our joys feel fraught.

I’m going to do my best, as it says in the Bible, to count it all joy. It says, “My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience.”

Here’s to 2020 being the trials.
Here’s to 2021 being the triumphs.

Thank you all, for pouring love into me. Here’s to a happier new year.

Treat yourself by treating yourself right. 🎁

This actually is an old advertisement for Jaguar luxury vehicles, but why shouldn’t you treat yourself like a luxury car? 🚗

🎁 Give grace: you aren’t perfect. you are not a machine. you will mess up. it’s okay.

🎁 Give pace: going all day, non stop isn’t productive. in most things in life, particularly big goals you want accomplished, establishing a pace that keeps you ambitious but not overwhelmed is necessary.

🎁 Give space: you are still evolving. you are constantly re-emerging and re-evaluating who you are and how you do things. give yourself the space to process your internal and external worlds. that time isn’t built in, so take it.

you can be imitated, but never duplicated, homie!💪🏾

I was in a room on Clubhouse earlier (follow me if you’re on the app at @ ashleyrhae) with a bunch of yogis who for all intents and purposes, are killing it. Great brands, big followings, glossy photos, and kind spirits. Instantly, my ego went on the attack:

🔈“You’ll never be successful like them!”
🔉“This lane is way too saturated for you.”
🔊“You’re a baby yogi. What can you teach people?”

I had to log off, break out my affirmations, and take some time.

I am me. There is room for me. People need to see a dark skin, non-straight sized, yoga teacher in training with anxiety discuss how she is healing and finding her place in the world while sitting on this mat. That is me. There is no one else like me. 💓

If you want someone polished with years of experience, I literally have a list (I truly have lists of Black yogis by expertise - I’m a lawyer, if I don’t do nothing else, ima research!) of Black yogis that are amazingggggg and I plan to share that publicly at the top of the year. I’m not for everybody, but if I can put y’all on to someone who can be a great yoga influence, that’s what I’ll do.

But if you want to see someone who is kind of a mess most of the time thug this out, brick by brick….I’m your girl.😉

I’m trying to push back.

On social media, there are so many ways that people are characterized. To make it make sense, to turn into into data. Sometimes I get lost, so I turn externally for validation.

Not a good idea. 😂

I’ve been on social media for the vast majority of my life (millennial hive). My validation, particularly as a young woman, lived and breathed based on the opinion of others. I want to do better now.

Particularly as I step into the scary world of entrepreneurship, I find myself scanning the horizon for an assessment of if I’m doing this right. It is a bad habit that kicks into high gear when my ego tells me I’m not good enough.

I’m tying this all together. Community need + my owns desires and definitions, which will hopefully make sense at the end of the day.

I’m trying to push back.

On social media, there are so many ways that people are characterized. To make it make sense, to turn into into data. Sometimes I get lost, so I turn externally for validation.

Not a good idea. 😂

I’ve been on social media for the vast majority of my life (millennial hive). My validation, particularly as a young woman, lived and breathed based on the opinion of others. I want to do better now.

Particularly as I step into the scary world of entrepreneurship, I find myself scanning the horizon for an assessment of if I’m doing this right. It is a bad habit that kicks into high gear when my ego tells me I’m not good enough.

I’m tying this all together. Community need + my owns desires and definitions, which will hopefully make sense at the end of the day.

You deserve a radical, revolutionary love with yourself, Black girl. 💕

I am drowning in imposter syndrome this morning. Drowning.

This is affirmation is one of my own. I wrote it in my gratitude app a few months ago. I’m so glad I did.

Let me explain. I just feel like I’ve been stepping into so many new phases in my life - entrepreneur (biggest change), yoga teacher, and a couple of changes I can’t share yet but I’m freaking out. People are reaching out to me as a resource, an expert, and I just feel like …..woefully unprepared right now. I just do. A fraud.

Becoming an entrepreneur luckily has not increased my envy, which is great - that’s an emotion I usually have a good hold on. But it has made me feel hyper critical of where I should be, which is a pain. I’m constantly evaluating, reevaluating, what’s the best way, the point of least resistance, to be successful. And I’m panicking and doubting my journey when it doesn’t look like everyone else’s.

When I wrote this affirmation a few months ago, I wasn’t minding my business then either- I was all up in people’s mix, feeling like the least successful person I know. And it pained me that I wasn’t measuring up. Like, real tears, frustrated about being stagnant. Feeling tears welling up right now, too.

I’m reminding myself that my journey and my success will be uniquely mine. Why would I want anyone else’s? My version of happiness and peace will also have to he my own. It has to be.

In yogi terms, I need to keep my eyes back on my own mat. I’m too busy looking everywhere else to make sure I’m doing things right to pay attention to my gut instincts. Sigh.

Sharing this because I wanted to hold myself accountable and give myself a break at the same time.